Stardate: -316081.12

My birthday was this past Friday. 24. It's been a long time since I had a birthday party where there were more people who came than there were years that I was old. Probably since I was six or seven, since I've rarely had a party that included more than my family or a few close friends. In any event, it wasn't just my party, but also jointly my brother Jason's. We had a ping pong tournament, which I had to run the gauntlet of my own family to win; admittedly, the best competition of the night was after the actual tournament when we played doubles, the first time in two or three years that we have done so. More to come in the near future, I imagine, since we all had a great time and the table can easily be set up over there. The only actual present I received was a plant, which was a new kind of gift. Though I do have an REI gift card from my parents waiting to be used...

Today will be the ninth consecutive day on which I had a game. I've had so many that I really don't want to call in for any hours at work until after basketball season, though I was tentatively planning to...

In the meantime since my last blog, I've experienced the new EmX, which almost reminds me more of the subway than of a bus; I found a Ralph Lauren jacket at Value Village for .99; and I've enjoyed biking and walking during the cold but very sunny weather.

Stardate: -316051.02

Some of you may have noticed that before today, it has been nine days since my last blog entry. That's not because I didn't have time (I did), but because on many mornings I have been at my other home, where my half-brother's family and their friends live. Without scheduled shifts, there's no reason for me to hurry back to Springfield; instead, I hang out there, and I don't usually bother Jason enough to use his computer frequently.

I write better in the mornings, or at the very least, I have to push myself to do a blog entry in the evening. I'm more likely to get writer's block in the evening, whereas in the morning I find myself thinking lucidly and eager to spread my thoughts to the world.

So it will come to many of you as no surprise that I am, indeed, a morning person. Now I just need to take advantage of it and believe that there are more people than I might expect that read my thoughts.

Comments or no comments, I have faith that my blog does get read...

Stardate: -316050.99

Now near the end of two weeks of only one shift at Alvord-Taylor, I can definitely say this has been a good change for me. By the end of tomorrow, I will have worked ten basketball games in those two weeks.

That is not to say that I am done with the agency or am making enough money to fulfill my goals, which is why I'm going to schedule some training hours at a couple different houses in the next few weeks during the day, working around my late afternoons and evenings that I need to keep available until the end of basketball season.

In the meantime, though there has been a welcome improvement in my interaction with friends and family, I would certainly like to do more. It is a shame not to have freedom; however, it is even more of a shame to have freedom and not use it, whatever the reason may be. That's why I press on, not to do more (necessarily) but to be more and to grow more.

Stardate: -316027.15

With today being the first Wednesday since August that I did not work, I find myself loving my new flexible schedule. There's something about working 30 or 40 hours a week that really seems to stifle my passion for living, my God-given creative approach to existence.

I'm not necessarily saying that I won't ever work full-time in one job again (though I admit the thought is appealing at the moment). What I am saying is, I want to feel challenged, to have a daily realization that my life is not boring, that each day can bring it's own unique sense of 'interestingness'. I want the freedom that for me, to some extent, is inversely proportional to how much I feel like a slave to my schedule, to my overriding responsibilities.

I'm not saying that I want to be free of overriding responsibilities; rather, I'm saying that I want my everpresent, all-important responsibility to be following God, and loving people, and somehow aligning everything in my life to fulfill that responsibility. Perhaps you might think that I'm just caught in the quarterlife crisis, and having a streak of optimism that enables me to see the silver lining in impending change. However, I think my 'problem' is much more severe than that. I don't want to settle into anything immediately, and so dull that inner feeling that drives me to move, to innovate, to morph. Certainly, I'll commit to things involving schedule, family, friends, and spiritual life. But in all that, I hope to continue dreaming, and praying, and really doing both of those as one action.

I suppose the crux of what I'm talking about can be described by something I actually do periodically. I'll take a notebook pad, or perhaps just a couple sheets of paper, and I'll write down some combination of two categories: Where I am today, and where I would possibly like to be in a month, or six months, or two years. The backbone of this exercise for me is brutal honesty, and absolute freedom to dream. Nothing is off-limits. Nothing is unchangeable. Nothing is impossible.

Wherever I may be right now, I look at every area of my life critically. Where do I want my spiritual life to be? Do I want to have memorized another chapter of the Bible? Do I want to be on worship team at church? Do I want to read five spiritual classics? What about my friendships? Do I want new friends? Do I want a group that I can hang out with once a week? Who in particular would I like to know better, to hang out with more?

My point is, if I'm going to be a God-inspired optimist, then I'm going to be one who dreams, makes goals, works towards those goals, and later looks back and marvels at what God and I did together. God is much too radical and innovative for me to sit on my hands and think about what might be, what He is capable of doing in my life, yet not actually take steps and move towards the horizon.

Then I'll get another notebook pad, and I'll do it again.

Stardate: -316014.85

Today was my last day of normal. By that, I mean that it was my last day in my regularly scheduled shift at Alvord-Taylor. However, I think that is a good slogan for me to live by in the coming weeks. With a flexible schedule comes a great deal of freedom. And with freedom comes opportunity.

That opportunity is one of wide open possibilities. It means that I have no excuses. It means that I can dream and move, without there being any seam of separation between the two.

I think, therefore I do. I dream, therefore I am. Just do it. Is it in you? Seize the day. Nothing is impossible.

From now on, normal means a new day, with new possibilities. So start dreaming.

Stardate: -316008.1

It's actually past when I should be in bed, but I want to give you a mental picture. Imagine me -- quiet, unassuming, thoughtful, intelligent me -- goofing off in Winco at 10 PM while grocery shopping with two of my favorite friends, a tall outgoing black guy from New York City and a blond-haired girl from an upstate New York hicktown. Joking with them, making fun of each other while practically throwing food items haphazardly into the cart.

One thing I know, I've never gone grocery shopping quite like that before.