Stardate: -317995.79

This is the week of the year, I believe, that lends itself more than any other to reflecting on one's life. And that's exactly what I've been doing. No exercise such as this can be mundane, considering the place I'm at right now and the reality that I have no idea where I'll be a year from today. Life is an adventure, and I am certain that it is better for one's outlook on their life to be impacted by that feeling of 'adventureness' than by the accompanying feeling of uncertainty.

I pray that during the course of every year of my life God would do more than I can envision; that He would take me someplace that I've never been before, symbolically if not literally, and on the way build in me such character that would otherwise take me years to accomplish, if I ever did.

This coming year is no different. What will I be doing a year from now? In the middle of my first year of graduate school or seminary? In another city of the Northwest, or a city on the East Coast? Still gloriously single, or blessed to be in a relationship?

Perhaps the important thing to prepare for is not making those decisions, but seeking every day of my life to pursue God, and to go wherever that vision will take me. All the while, making a resolution every day to pursue my dreams in the face of uncertainty, and never feel like I'm settling when God redirects me to His own vision.

Because, if I never accepted what He says as better, I might never exceed my own expectations. It doesn't matter so much what I resolve for this new year, but what does matter is my attitude, that I live this year expecting it to be the best year I've ever had.

2007, here I come.

Stardate: -317981.64

As I woke up this morning, Christmas felt like just another day. But there's something that makes this day, for many people, one of the best days of the year. It's not because of Santa, or snow, or Jesus, or gifts, or family, though all of those things may help.

What can make this day great, just like any other day you've ever lived, is your attitude.

I know this because for a long time, I resented Christmas and didn't enjoy it very much. It is the onset of winter in many ways, and for many years my on-again, off-again struggle with depression came to a head during Christmastime. I also dislike it for what I think it represents to our culture: Commercialization, secularization, busyness and stress. But more than all that, I just chose not to like it.

Well, I don't resent Christmas anymore. I make a point of relaxing and giving myself a chance to reflect on my life, and especially what the Father has done for me in sending Jesus. I refuse to let Christ get lost in the holiday. I resolve to live in such a way that others might feel that I am a small part of God's gift to them, like I was last year when I spent much of my Christmas break doing hurricane relief work in Mississippi.

So whatever you may think about Christmas, remember this: When it's over, and you wake up on the next day you have to work or go to school and it is really is just another day, remember that what defines how good that day is for you is not circumstances, luck, other people, or even God. What defines your experience of every day is your attitude.

Stardate: -317975.58

The company that my sisters work for, 9Wood, has previously expressed interest in hiring me, so in light of my job situation I filled out an application to work there. I won't work full time during basketball season, but they might have both the capability and the motivation to give me a work schedule that I would like working for the next couple months. I'm only interested in admin positions.

I did a very sloppy freshman game yesterday, one that was a decent game until the second half when we had to call probably over 25 fouls. I didn't have any big mistakes, but there are still a lot of things to learn and improve on.

I do two games in Creswell tonight.

In the meantime, I'm going to go look for sarcastic Christmas cards to give to people. Welcome to my idea of shopping for the holidays.

Stardate: -317949.48

After the staff meeting at work this morning, I told my manager that I have decided to end my scheduled shift in January, with the first week of the month being my last regularly scheduled week.

I am not quitting the agency. I will probably train at a couple other houses and might apply for another shift if I find one that better fits my life and my schedule. I will be in the relief pool, which means I am a backup and different houses may call me if they need a shift covered.

Come second week of January, I will have greater availability for doing basketball games on any and all evenings and weekends. During January-March, officiating games should be my primary source of income. This also frees up my schedule for more social involvement in different areas, the ability to see my family more, and the freedom to be more involved with my church.

Stardate: -317947.06

Resolutions:

1. I resolve to be challenged by my work.
2. I resolve to enjoy my work.
3. I resolve that whomever I work for and with, and what I do, will benefit from the skills and abilities that I bring to work every day.
4. I resolve that my work schedule will fit with the texture, schedule, and priorities of my life, and not vice versa.
5. I resolve to stick with what I am involved with now if it clearly benefits me more than the immediate, practical alternatives. If it does not, I resolve to be open to initiating change.
6. I resolve to keep growing and changing and trying new things, no matter what area of my life or what season I am in.

Preferences:

1. I would rather do something that is physically active.
2. If I have two jobs, I would rather work more hours for the one I enjoy the most.
3. I would rather work mornings and have flexible evenings than vice versa.
4. I would rather do something that is mentally challenging than something that is emotionally or socially stressful.
5. Considering the opportunities to do lots of games during basketball season, I would rather maximize my availability even if it means that my income and schedule is more inconsistent.

Stardate: -317947.02

For a while this afternoon, I sat in our living room and looked at what you see in the picture: A chair, and an as-yet-undecorated Christmas tree. This provided a focal point while I contemplated the state of my life, particularly my work situation. Working for the Alvord-Taylor Mohawk House has been the singular source of angst for me in the last two months, and at times also a cause of dissatisfaction.

Don't misunderstand me; I don't hate working there, or yet have any "irreconcilable differences" with any of the staff or residents. Nor do I resent the frequent behavioral issues, because, as annoying as they are, they also build character (as Calvin's dad would say). But the other facts glare at me like the eyes of a black cat at the side of the bike path in the dark night: My shift occupies four of my evenings every week, evenings during which I would otherwise hang out with my family or friends, attend church-related functions, or get paid for doing basketball games; I am not paid much more than minimum wage, especially now that the extra $1/hour of crisis pay has officially ended; my work, despite the interruptions of craziness, does not particularly challenge me or captivate me, or provide much opportunity for progressive skill-building and/or upward mobility.

In the meantime, I have discovered that I enjoy basketball officiating more than I expected, and find it a unique kind of work that provides plenty of opportunity for learning, enjoyment, developing new skills, and possibilities of working at higher levels in the future. It also pays $10-15/hour in calculated total time investment. From a numbers standpoint, if I had no limitations on my evening and weekend availability, I could work 8-10 games a week in the months of January through March and make about as much as I make for A-T.

As you can probably guess by my thought process, all of this is leading to a change, most likely sometime in the month of January. I'll put my resolutions concerning this area of my life in the following post.

Stardate: -317939.04

I was covering for someone today at work, so I worked from 9-4. It's great to be off before the evening for once.

I'm not sure exactly where the situation with my work house is at because I heard secondhand that the house is "officially" not closing. Then I heard secondhand that they are redoing the schedule at the house...again (that's the reason there was an open shift for me in the first place, because they had re-worked the schedule). I'm not sure if all of that is entirely true, and what drastic change allowed it to be possible. I'll find out later, I guess.

At any rate, if they re-do the schedule...I may not reapply for my shift, or a shift at that house at all...I don't know yet.

As for my own commentary on these pending/yet to be enacted decisions, I think some change is necessary, both for the residents at the house and probably for myself. For myself because I, at the very least, want more of my evenings available to hang out with friends, and do more basketball games during basketball season.

Stardate: -317927

Sometimes life's circumstances have me scratching my head, wondering how this came about. Such is the case with tonight, when a black man, his German wife, and two kids, their family just having moved from the Big Apple to Oregon (how many times has that happened in the history of the country?), come to have dinner with my spiritually conservative, middle class suburban white family.

Go figure. God's either chuckling about it, scheming on his next "You won't believe this one either" plan, or maybe doing both. Needless to say, he has no respect for man's barriers, so why not break down a whole bunch of them in one fell swoop?

This should be fun. Bring it on, God.

Stardate: -317918.75

I learned this week that the house that I work at is closing at the end of January. Apparently the agency is losing a lot of money every year from this house and they needed to make a drastic change.
Then yesterday, I had a nightmarish day. Another throwing-a-fit-and-running-away episode from our most recent troublesome resident, and another resident who was overbearingly loud most of the shift. Sometimes I'd like to able to work a day without being grabbed, slapped, or sprayed in the face with a shower sprayer (that last one was an accident).

Maybe three months working at this house is all I can take. What happens then? I don't know.

Some other not-so-random thoughts:

I'm quite pleased with my new bike.

It snowed earlier this week (hence the pictures).

Right now, it is gorgeously clear and sunny outside. Maybe a day to take some more pictures.

The Warren family (the family that moved to Oregon from New York City, and is now staying in my half brother's downstairs apartment) had dinner with my family last night in what will probably be the first of many fun times together. Too bad I wasn't there for most of it.

College basketball season is in full swing, which is always something to be excited about in the cold winter months. I think I'll watch a game on TV this morning.